Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
