barbara walters just said penis...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
