I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
