Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
