I need help removing her.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
