thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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