and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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