I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
