Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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