apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
