This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Mom said you looked used
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my liver is dry heaving
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
