Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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