Pregnant stripper...not hot.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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