I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
