I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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