i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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