Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
