Umm I'm too high to move.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
