This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
