You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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