I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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