have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize