i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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