Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
