I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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