I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
