You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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