on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
