How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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