I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
