Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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