SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
