In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
