Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize