Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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