Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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