He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
