Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As shirtless as possible
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
