I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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