he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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