I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
