going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
These tits shall not be calmed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
