Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
