And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
