This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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