You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
