shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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