There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
