I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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