The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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