Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
