she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
