My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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