After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
