There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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