I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
