Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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