the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
