happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
