everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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