All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
