i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
