i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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