I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
did you just send me my own nude
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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