Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize