I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
