I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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