it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
