my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
and you fell through a lawn chair
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
