I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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