do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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