Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
