youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
