Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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