I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize